So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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