He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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