I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
