he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
