Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
