Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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