just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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