Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
