so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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