Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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