I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
