you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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