what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
