Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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