The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
