I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
