Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
