I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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