Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So squirting runs in the family.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
