I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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