I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
