Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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