Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
