well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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