you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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