So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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