My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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