I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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