just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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