I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
