if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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