Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
