If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
