My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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