ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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