On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
