3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
