marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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