i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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