Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
