Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
