It's like God shit irony all over that family
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
