her vagine was all disorganized.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
His nipple licking is glorious
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