1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
