Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
