giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize