Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
