I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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