Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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