We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
