Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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