I could have mohawked her pubes.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
