Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This baby is an asshole
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
