capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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