I wish life had little blips of pornography
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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