True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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