Pregnant stripper...not hot.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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