I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
