Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
