they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
