Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
