im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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