How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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