woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
