he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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