i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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