The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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