chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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