Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
