his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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