i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
