she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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