If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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