i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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