you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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