im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
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No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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