I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
