If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
