low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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