my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
