So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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