I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
