apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
