I didn't shave. On purpose
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
BRING THE BAGELS
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
