I hate your face
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i will never coherently bang her
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
